Tomorrow we start a whole new chapter in our lives.

One that entrusts our youngest son into the schooling system hands 5 days a week. Into a specialised class for children with disabilities.

To say there is nothing I am concerned about in that would be a lie.  There are lots of things. 

I’m concerned that he is going to get lost in the school and he won’t be able to tell people where he is supposed to be. Or even his name for that matter. Let alone the idea that some forgetful person, or someone who is lazy or just careless props a gate open and he is able to get out of the school grounds…. then who knows what will happen.

I’m also concerned about how the other children will take to him, being so delayed.  Will they simply see him as someone who should still be in preschool? Will they get to know him? Will they take the time to see the amazing little boy that we know? 

I already get the sense that the teacher thinks I’m overbearing. She’s met me now twice and that’s the distinct sense I get.  She may just have to get over that.

This is a whole new world of disability education, over the integrated learning with support, like what our elder son is doing, and doing very well at.

The number of dreams that I have had the last week about school and what is likely to happen (or in some cases, highly unlikely) is just astounding. 

For now, I must trust. I must trust the teachers who are highly skilled to look after and teach my children.  I must trust that they will work out the kinks quickly and easily. I must trust that above all else they will have the children’s safety as paramount. 

I must trust.

I must yield to the new path that is being created. 

People are asking me what I will be doing with all the time I will have on my hands. For the next week, I am probably going to spend it worrying. Anxious that they are doing ok. That they are fitting in, being cared for, being kept safe, being……good, for want of a better word.

I’m sure this will pass as my evidence builds that they are ok.

For now, though, I sit with my feelings as they are. Honour them. Acknowledge them. And pray that God knows my anxiety and will cover us with His grace.

And possibly have a glass or two of wine before I retire to bed. Praise the Lord for wine!

Kelly xx

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